Did you get rejected on a job application recently? There is something better to do than crying alone at the corner. Using the template below, shoot them a letter to reject their rejection of employment.

*ADDRESS*

Dear *THEIR NAME*,

Thank you for your letter of *DATE*. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an *JOB TITLE* position in your organisation.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite *ORGANISATION NAME* outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of *JOB TITLE*
in your organisation on *DATE*. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
*YOUR NAME*

A good one from Zath.

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story : - If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story : - If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story : - Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: - “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story : - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story : - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Long time since I’ve posted a joke, here’s for today - learn what’s the difference of a prison and an office or working place.

IN PRISON……….you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK…………you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON………you get three meals a day.
AT WORK……….you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON……….you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK…………you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON………the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK………..you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON……….you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK…………you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON………you get your own toilet.
AT WORK………..you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON………..they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK………….you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON………all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK………..you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON……….you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ………..you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON…….. .you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK…………they are called managers.

via ROFLs

These are a collection of funny questions and answers asked in court.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

—————————————————
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

—————————————————
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Continue reading »

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

Continue reading »

Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.

Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium — he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”

The man said “no”.

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!”

The man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“That’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”

“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral.”

[Via ROFLs]

This is a joke, taken from Vivek’s Blog.

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.

Telugu Guy: Hello, May I know your name please?
James Bond: My name is Bond *Continuing in his inimitable style*, James Bond.

James Bond: And you?
Telugu Guy: My name is Rao…Siva Rao…Samba Siva Rao…Venkata Samba Siva Rao…Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao….

Pretty lame, I didn’t bother to read all what the Telugu guy say.
First time seeing the word “Telugu”. Don’t even know where it is until I search it on Wikipedia.

Hohoho~ Christmas will be coming very soon. Due to last year’s mistake, Santa Claus has made up his mind to make his X’mas gift system more efficient. He made a form and spread it to town to be filled up by children and expect them to send him back those forms by using Air Mail.

This year, Santa Claus will be a little evil too - he ticked the “Will refreshments be provided” check box on every form, so he is indirectly forcing us to give him some refreshments. Oh well, it’s still reasonable since he will be giving us gifts in return.

Continue reading »

Found some interesting stuff on ROFLS. How a women and man shower? Might not be true but definitely worth a laugh, or smile perhaps.

The Way Man Shower

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).

Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.

Fart.

Get in the shower.

Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one). Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.

Continue reading »

Hell no! I don’t wanna die so early, I’m just 15 years old. But what to do, I’m living with a retarded idiot under the same roof. Poor me, sob sob. By the way, click on the image to enlarge. Found it at Lowyat. Don’t worry, I will now try to avoid going near to idiots.
[tags]stupid,idiot,dangerous,disaster,retard[/tags]