{ August 25, 2006 }
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to the other passengers.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!!”
- Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
- Shave.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open; then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper, “Noogie patrol coming!”
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- One word: Flatulence!
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then say, “I got new under-roos on!”
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back saying, “Ohhhh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
- Meow occassionally.
- Bet the other passengers that you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Frown and mutter, “Gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say, “Ooops, too late.”
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
- Holler “Chutes away?” whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk in with a cooler that reads “Human Head” on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then say, “You’re one of THEM!!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Burp, and then say, “Mmmmmm…tasty!”
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers “through” it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, “Is that your beeper?”
- Play the harmonica.
- Shadow box.
- Say “Ding!” at each floor.
- Lean against the button pannel.
- Say, “I wonder what all these buttons do?” and push the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with a chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
- Bring a chair along.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice, “I must find a more suitable host body!”
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear “X-Ray Specs.” and leer suggestively at the other passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting larger.”
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!”
- Start eating a sandwich and offer to share it with the rest of the passengers.
- Start eating a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and offer to show the passengers what the sandwich looks like in your mouth.
- Hum the “Blue Danel” and do arm pit farts for each of the cresendos.
- Start hacking and coughing in a crowded elevator and say, “Damn this flu virus.”
- Let out a loud and robust fart and blame it on the passenger next to you.
- Let out a silent fart and say, “Ok folks…everyone take a deep breath!”
- Jump up and down in a crowded elevator to see if it meets the minimum safety standards.
- Play with the alarm button durring your ride.
- Play footies with the passenger next to you in a crowded elevator.
- Pick up the emergency elevator phone and make heavy breathing sounds into it.
- Act like you dropped your contact lens and tell everyone in the elevator not to move while you look for it.
- Put your face really close to the elevator doors and chant “open, open, open” during your ride.
- On a long elevator ride, let out a huge fart and say, “Darn it, I knew those pink stuffs wouldn’t hold off my diarrhea.”
- Start a human wave.
- Turn to your neighbor, perferably a woman, and say, “Do you ever get that unfresh feeling?”
- Go through your backpack yelling, “Where’s my pet rat?”
- Mimick the sounds of the elevator.